Coping with COVID: Rhonia’s Story

March 13, 2020.  I was 36 weeks pregnant, the day President Trump proclaimed the Covid-19 pandemic a national emergency.  I awoke with body aches and chills; but I was scheduled to be on call for 24 hours on the Labor and Delivery unit.  The thought of taking a sick day didn’t occur to me, I dutifully reported to work.  Mid-way through my shift, my symptoms worsened. I asked a coworker to cover for me.  She took one look at me, and insisted I put on a mask and get tested for Covid-19. 

Luckily, it was the first day that testing was available at the hospital, and I promptly reported to the Emergency Department. A female physician saw that I was pregnant and expedited my care.  In less than an hour, I was assessed, tested for Covid-19 and advised to self-quarantine for 14 days. My symptoms improved within a few days; however, the results of the test were still pending.  It was the early stages of the coronavirus, and there was limited data about Covid-19 and its effects on pregnancy.  I was fearful of the potential impact of this virus on myself and my unborn son.  After 4 days of self- quarantine, it was requested that I return to work.  Initially, I felt compelled to return, as it is the work culture of medicine in the United States, to not take days off, despite being ill. After further reflection, I advocated for myself and my child, deciding to work from home and to begin my maternity leave earlier than anticipated.  A few days later, my test results reported: positive for Covid-19.

In the midst of a global pandemic, the final month of my pregnancy was a trying time.  Family members were not allowed to accompany me to prenatal appointments.  My mother, with whom I’m extremely close, struggled to accept that only one family member would be allowed in the delivery room.   At 40 weeks gestation, I was admitted to the Labor and Delivery unit, where patients were required to be tested for Covid-19.  Almost a month after my initial test, I tested positive for the virus, again. From then onward, the doctors and nurses wore full PPE in my labor room.  As my husband was the designated family member in the delivery room, my mother and sister camped out in the hospital parking lot, throughout the entire labor process.  After 23 hours of labor, I delivered our baby boy.

After my delivery, I was transferred to a Covid-19 postpartum unit.  Unfortunately, partners were not allowed there; and I spent my first night as a mother, without my husband. I was exhausted and further terrified of having to care for our son, alone. I had the option of leaving my son in a “Covid nursery” for 24 hours; however, I chose to keep him with me. It was challenging, as the nursing staff was limited and the unit was not well equipped . Finally, after what felt like a night of terror, I was discharged.

Despite the impact of Covid-19 on my birth experience, I’m thankful to have safely delivered my baby boy.  Throughout the process, I committed myself to maintaining a spirit of gratitude and speaking words of affirmation each day; as my faith in God kept me calm.  I’m eternally grateful for my amazing husband; the talented doctors; and my colleagues/friends at LIJ Medical Center for taking care of me, through this harrowing but joyful experience. 

Dr. Rhonia Brooks-Gordon is an OB/Gyn at NYU Langone Health. Follow her @21_in_a_million

Coping with COVID: Sandra’s Story

As healthcare providers, the COVID era has forced us to shift our paradigm, changing from in-person clinical evaluations to telehealth visits and adapting surgical protocols.  We have become creative in all aspects of patient care, while remembering the oath that we took at the beginning of our professional journey: “Primum Non Nocere (first do no harm).”  These words replay in my mind, as I try to navigate a fractured system.  How do I perform high risk aerosol generating procedures and provide the best care, without putting the operating room staff and my own family at risk?

Moral injury is essentially the cause of harm to an individual’s moral conscience.  This results from betraying one’s personal moral code, which can possibly lead to profound internal suffering.  More commonly, moral injury is associated with military veterans; however it may also include teachers, health care professionals and caregivers. On a daily basis, as I confront the inadequacies in the health care system, which the COVID 19 pandemic has exposed; I struggle morally, as a variety of thoughts race through my mind: 

-The insufficient COVID Tests… I know that 50% of positive patients are asymptomatic.

-The limited supply of PPE… I know that N95 masks may not adequately protect against COVID in high risk procedures.

-The exposure of health care professionals returning to work after insufficient periods of quarantine… I know there isn’t subsequent serial surveillance testing of these personnel.

-As patient X’s laryngeal cancer is progressing and patient Y’s airway obstruction is worsening…

-And my little ones at home with asthma...Will I bring the virus home to them?

Now, more than ever, as physicians, our responsibility is not solely our diagnostic and treatment capabilities, but also our ability to advocate for our patients and our staff.  In this time, as clinicians, we are faced with numerous obstacles that are seemingly unfathomable in the wealthiest country in the world.  Yet, several of my colleagues, like me, are in the throes of both a tangible and a moral battle.  Whether heading out to work or coming home to loved ones, the uncompromising battle against this invisible, deadly pathogen will continue to wreak havoc on us all: physically, emotionally, and mentally.  

Dr. Sandra Stinnett is the Director of Laryngology at UT Health Science Center in Memphis, TN. Follow her on Instagram @thevoiceboxdoctor

Lessons in Self Care: Navigating Toxic Relationships

In mid-January, before the COVID-19 pandemic brought international travel to a screeching halt, I journeyed to Mexico City with one of my best friends, Lamarr.  Between touring the city, overcoming altitude sickness and feasting on the local cuisine, my friend and I engaged in several heart to heart conversations.  

Over mole and margaritas, I asked him about a statement he had made in his man of honor speech, at my recent wedding.  He had spoken of our mutual respect for one another over 20+ years of friendship.  But during his address, he had stated, ‘her kindness should not be mistaken for weakness;” referencing my proclivity for “cutting people off”.   As Lamarr sipped his cocktail in the open air plaza, he said frankly, “I don’t think it’s good that you’re known for cutting people off.”  Initially, I was hurt by his words, but I explained that I didn’t get any enjoyment from distancing myself from others and I would never just arbitrarily discard people! 

Looking back at my first friendship with Dexter, the 2 year old neighborhood boy, to my intimate and personal relationships at 33 years old, I’ve learned a great deal about various types of partnerships, having made several mistakes along the way. 

Here are some tips on how to navigate interpersonal relationships and how to remove oneself from toxic dynamics, in all spheres of life:

1. At work

We’ve all wrangled with an overbearing boss, who may exert his/her power in a variety of ways, fueled by displaced aggression. As an employee, the key point is to differentiate between constructive criticism intended to improve one’s work, versus outright workplace abuse, which may be detrimental to one’s mental health. If the structure of the company allows it, request a one on one meeting with your superior to address the perceived problems. At times, just having the grit to request an open dialogue about less than ideal workplace actions, may be enough to temper the aggressor’s behaviors. 

 2. With family members

From movies to literary works to Instagram posts, we are constantly being reminded of the importance of family.  Familial relationships can be a great source of joy and understanding for some; however, they can cause great pain and anguish for others. Due to the societal expectations of maintaining strong family ties, some individuals find it difficult to distance themselves from toxic parents, siblings or relatives.  It is a challenge to excavate one’s deepest feelings to discover that one’s blood relative isn’t a particularly nice person and doesn’t always have one’s best interest at heart.  For many, it is not an option to completely cut ties with the toxic relative, as that may result in losing contact with other family members, as well.  To this end, it might be wise to seek intensive therapy with the hopes of sorting out those issues and developing strategies for self development and preservation.

 3. In romantic relationships

Eros.  Romantic relationships by definition are mercurial. In most cultures, individuals are not taught how to develop and maintain genuine love relationships. For many young couples, love is a guessing game, colored by discordant images in the media, mixed with the subconscious lessons learned from the unions around them.  In some instances, the displays of romantic love may be dysfunctional, with the normalization of infidelity to the acceptance of physical and emotional abuse. Many of these lessons are internalized, often on an unconscious level, which make them harder to break, and can impact one’s own romantic relationships.

After careful assessment and weighing the risks versus benefits, it may be better to separate (or end the relationship) than to stay in a union that doesn’t honor your  personhood. If a relationship does not empower you and make you a better version of yourself,  or at the bare minimum, bring you great physical pleasure, then what is its purpose?  

 4. In friendships 

bell hooks’ quote, “To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds,” attests to the value that must be placed on all relationships. For many women, their attention and care is primarily directed towards their beloved, leaving friendships and other relationships by the wayside. 

The platonic friendship between two women can bring great joy and emotional fulfillment. Conversely, relationships between women can quickly devolve into a miasma of mind games, competitiveness, and mean spirited remarks; with one of the friends projecting her personal problems onto the other friend. In other cases, one friend may no longer enjoy the other’s company, but is uncertain of how to process that realization.  In toxic friendships, there may be harsh words, rude tones, ‘gaslighting’, or other methods of ‘friendship terrorism’.  Unfortunately, many women avoid confrontation, which may result in months or even years of jeers, sneers and whispers behind each other’s back.  However, if the relationship is worth preserving, having a straightforward conversation that addresses the perceived problems, may be the solution. Only through honest discourse can healing occur. If not, maybe one should consider parting ways.

5. Within yourself

You can lie to others. But please don’t lie to yourself. 

The most important relationship is the one that we have with ourselves.  As stated previously on this blog, life is a winding path. Some are able to stay on course, while others are barely hanging on. Wherever we are on our life’s path, it’s important to frequently scrutinize our feelings, and our subsequent actions:

“Who am I and what do I really want to accomplish in life?

“Does this man/woman respect me as a person?”

“Is this workplace environment conducive to my creativity and humanity? 

“Do I feel better now that I’ve parted ways with that group of friends? 

By engaging in internal excavation, we open up ourselves to more honest and healthy relationships with others. This also allows us to realize when it’s time to walk away from toxic and seemingly unhealthy partnerships. 

Life Checklist: The Millennial’s Burden

For many young professionals, from the time they were 17 years old, their entire life had been pretty much mapped out. The plan, without deviation, was:  graduate from a good college; nab a coveted summer internship; attend professional school; get married; start a dream job; have children, and buy a house.   

These life milestones,  predicated by the larger society offer a neat road map to follow, as they promise financial stability and ultimately, domestic bliss. But what happens if the individual takes a detour, whether intentional or by divine providence, off of the designated path?

About three years ago, I sold all of my furniture and gave away the bulk of my clothing. I packed up what was dear to me, hugged my mother goodbye, and flew to Hamburg, Germany, to start a new life with my then boyfriend.  The decision was multi-factorial: the rapidly changing political landscape (post Trump election); immigration policies limiting my boyfriend’s stays in the U.S.; and a lifelong dream of living abroad. After a few months of traveling throughout Europe and Africa, I quickly realized that I could not thrive in this new place. Within five months, my savings were depleted due to false promises from my new employer.  Furthermore, the new city didn’t match my needs. The weather was constantly overcast and the sun rarely shone. The people were generally unfriendly and  unwelcoming.  This was mind-numbing, after having lived for four years, in Miami, Florida.  So after six months of being unable to adjust, we returned to Miami, to start all over again. 

Upon my return, I was deeply disappointed by the apparent turn of events.  I was even further devastated by the feeling that I had veered off my charted course.  Perhaps I had deviated too far from the predetermined life checklist, and I was paying for my risk taking.  At first, I questioned myself and my decisions.  After a lifetime of following the rules and doing everything by the proverbial book, how could I be in this predicament?  Over time, I began to question the very system that had reared me.  

I spent many hours, wondering: 

-Are others consciously, or unconsciously, adhering to the checklist, even if their true desires 

lay elsewhere? 

-Were people stuck in professions or taking certain positions, when they preferred to be freelancers? 

-Were people married, when they would’ve preferred a life of serial monogamy? 

- And as women of color, was the attainment of Western cultural markers of success, truly fulfilling for us? 

Only now, in retrospect, do I realize that my experience in Europe, laid bare my misconceptions of life, and have shaped how I live moving forward.

I learned that:

1.Life is a winding path:

To quote Frederico Garcia Lorca, “I know there is no straight road. No straight road in this world. Only a giant labyrinth. Of intersecting crossroads”. These words ring true, especially as a woman of color.  The pre-packaged life path that we are all encouraged to adhere to, does not always take into account the intersection of race and gender.  In some instances, a black woman’s professional advancement may be stymied by unspoken biases in the workplace, resulting in lower wages for equitable work. This may often lead to difficulties obtaining outward markers of success.  As a black woman, there is immense pressure to over-achieve; but in the pursuit of excellence, one must accept that the path will never be straight.

2.A woman’s worth is not dictated by her marital status:

The checklist does not provide an outline for finding the partner that is right for one’s emotional and intellectual needs.  Instead, it dictates that a woman should be married to a man, by a certain birthday, with the specific number varying according to culture and geographic location.  Despite the societal pressure, we all seek partnerships for different personal reasons.  Some want romance, whereas others seek the union of families. Whatever it may be, people should marry because they want to and not because the biological clock is ticking or external forces are urging them to do so. 

Thumbing through my old journals, I found my original life blueprint. I was to be married at 26 and pregnant at 28.   My life hasn’t gone as planned: I met my husband at 29; I’m 33 and there are no plans of having children anytime soon. Sometimes, deviating from a life plan, may lead to something better.

3. Life’s purpose shouldn’t solely come from employment:

In early adulthood, as we transition from student to professional roles, post grad work experiences can range from seamless to quite patchy. For some of us, the first few years of our careers can be a hodgepodge of trial and failures. Even at these lowest moments, filled with doubt, it is important to take stock and realize that a job does not define us.  

After my return from Germany, I reached out to mentors for professional guidance. One told me that setbacks in the first few years of employment would not determine the successes of what would be a 30 year career.  The other stated emphatically, that I had to let go of the career I ‘should have’, which was based on a teenage fantasy, and forge a new path, based on who I am now.

At 31 years old, I learned that it is okay to make mistakes. When things don’t work out as planned, it doesn’t mean we have failed.  I learned that to remove myself from a situation that wasn’t right, was not failure, but a triumph. I learned that whatever societal, personal or emotional barriers might get in the way,  we all have the ability to start again. Sometimes tearing up the checklist, and getting off the designated path, can open up an opportunity to a happier and more rewarding life.  

The Case for Mental Health Treatment for Professional Black Women

Each morning, the black millennial woman awakens and begins to plan the day ahead.  She may decide to log miles on the Peloton or head for her first cup of coffee. She may flip through apps on her smartphone or utter a prayer of gratitude, yet in the back of her mind, the ubiquitous thoughts  that drive her will soon appear, just like the sun signaling the start of a new day. 

She walks to the living room and turns on the TV for the weather forecast. Without warning, “Black women are dying from childbirth!”, flashes across the screen. After her shower, as she adjusts the belt of her bathrobe, she opens Google maps  to figure out the best route for her daily commute. Moments later, she lets her finger slide to the Facebook app and scrolls down the timeline. A post that’s been shared 100 times; with 10K likes states: “Black and single: is marriage only for white people?” Thirty minutes later, as she’s applying lipstick in the foyer mirror, she hears the ping of a notification proclaiming that “Trump ally held event handing out cash in a black community.”  By the time the black female millennial is strapped into the driver’s seat of her car, the headlines have caused her mind to reverberate from the toxic onslaught.

She hasn’t even left the sanctuary of her home, yet the black professional woman has been mentally assaulted by images and articles whose focus seems intent on negating her very being. From social media platforms to reputable news outlets to internet trolls, her beauty, her body, her hair and her self-worth are constantly under scrutiny.  

Despite voluminous research that documents the black female millennials’ academic and entrepreneurial prowess, the stereotypical narrative seems to be that Trump’s looming cuts in welfare benefits and other social services will further disenfranchise the black woman and her horde of illegitimate children. This penchant for negatively portraying black women as a drain on society, couldn’t be further from the truth, when stats show that black women outperform all other demographics in acquiring higher education and establishing small businesses.   Despite confronting racism and sexism, black women have broken gender barriers, while advocating for progressive reforms that range from voting rights to the founding of the MeToo movement.    

Unfortunately,  in a society that sees  “winning”, at all cost, as one of the tenets for success, how can the black professional female ascribe to the same metric, in an environment that is openly hostile to her?   How does she continue to strive for personal and professional excellence, within a societal hierarchy that will always place her last? So in her quiet time, when she isn’t running a board meeting or checking travel destinations off of her bucket list, how does the professional black female really feel? What are the latent psychological effects of the misinformation peddled by biased reporters, that frame black women as problematic and congenitally disadvantaged? 

I remember during my residency training, on one occasion I sought constructive feedback from the white female attending, who was my immediate supervisor.  

After the veiled niceties, she asked, “Do you have a favorite group of patients?” 

I said no.  

She met my gaze and smiled widely, “Hmmm, actually I think you do, and I’m going to guess, it’s women...and more specifically: it’s black women?” 

My heart began to beat rapidly.  I wondered if she was implying that I was exhibiting bias.  In a strained voice, I asked if there had been any complaints made against me for mistreating non-black or non-female patients? 

“No not at all,” she chuckled. “You provide really good care to all your patients. But maybe you can give everyone that little bit of extra that you give to black women.”

According to recent statistics, in the United States, three percent of all psychiatrists are black. When a black woman, regardless of socioeconomic status, seeks mental health care, the person sitting across from her will most likely be a white male.  Despite improvements in medical training, and the awareness of implicit and explicit bias, doctors will still have implicit biases towards their patients, which will eventually manifest in disparities in the diagnosis and treatment of various illnesses. In retrospect, when I was unwittingly giving that “bit of extra” to my black female patients, I was providing them with parity in treatment, a rarity that few will ever experience again.

In the face of the negative chatter and  blatant inequities exhibited in many areas of American society, it’s important to note that the black professional woman isn’t free falling into an abyss of sorrow.  On the contrary, she is eagerly scaling the seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and continuously forging a new path, which is uniquely her own. There is no doubt that she is resilient, creative and ambitious. Nonetheless, ample attention needs to be paid to combating the forces that contribute to the corrosion of her psyche within the paradigm that is  Western culture. On her trek to having a fully rewarding life, both in her career and in her personal life, the black professional woman is deserving of mental health care that is tailored especially for her. Who better than a black female health professional to know what it is to walk in the shoes of the black millennial woman?

Long Distance Love in the Time of Coronavirus

About five years ago, a friend texted me out of the blue, instructing me to , “Text this guy!” Always a skeptic I responded, “Just like that?” 

She didn’t give any more information, except for attaching a strange selfie of the man in question.

Slightly confused but intrigued, I opened WhatsApp and wrote: “Hi I’m Ami”, to which he promptly replied, “Hi I’m Tino!”  

And just like that I ‘met’ the man who would be my future husband.

Sounds simple, but it wasn’t.

I was finishing up my residency training in Miami, Florida and he was in Hamburg, Germany.  Nevertheless, we began our long distance courtship. For several months, we communicated via WhatsApp. We messaged each other and Skyped;  counting down the days until our first in person meeting. Despite months filled with the angst of the unknown, looking back, I’m grateful for our initial geographic separation, as it helped to cement the structure of our relationship. 

So for all of the newly dating couples who are quarantining separately, here are some of the upsides to being separated from your partner:

1.Develop strong communication skills

Intense conversations are the mainstay of long distance relationships. Through lengthy chats, individuals get to compare/contrast their value systems.  This allows them to learn what each person holds dear. Since honest communication is the foundation of a functioning relationship, it's key to learn each other’s manner of conveying thoughts and feelings. 

2.Increases patience

When one is long distance, certain relationship milestones like saying ‘I love you’ and meeting parents, may take a bit longer to reach.  Having to take things a bit slower, allows one the time and space to ask, “Is this what I really want?” Also, with less pressure to share physical intimacy, each individual is more likely to reveal their true self.

3.Distance can be an incubator for growth

Without the influence of friends’ opinions, parental judgment, and everything that comes with living in our modern world, a new couple who are separated by distance, can create their own microcosm. To me, an ideal relationship embodies two separate and unique spirits, making the choice to walk the same path in life, while maintaining their individuality. During separation, the primary elements of who they are, regardless of different backgrounds, family structures or socioeconomic groups, can grow uninhibited. Due to geographic distance, there’s a decrease in some of the external pressures, that can normally complicate a fledgling relationship.

So for all the lovers who are separated due to quarantine, use this time to explore the other’s core values, their world view and future goals. And when you’re finally reunited (who knows when) the time together will be so much sweeter. 

Upending the “Black Superwoman” Trope: Balancing Power and Vulnerability

The past four weeks have been emotionally taxing for everyone.  From the incessant phone notifications about new quarantine provisions to the morbid updates of those who have succumbed to COVID-19, everyone seems to be on high alert, as the world collapses into bedlam. There have been numerous allusions to the “Twilight Zone” and dystopian films, to make sense of the current chaos. 

In my free time, I’ve skimmed online articles about how the pandemic is specifically affecting the black community.  In the majority of these pieces, the resilience of the black woman has been highlighted. On social media, several videos are circulating, showcasing the efforts of the tireless nurses and the selfless doctors, caring for their patients.  Across the country, during this quarantine, a large percentage of the women still working as cashiers in supermarkets and at fast food restaurants, are black women. During these harrowing times, these women embody the “keeping it moving” ethos; but as a black woman, I hesitate to embrace this generalized depiction of black womanhood. Without a doubt, hearing the stories and watching others act courageously is empowering; however, I fear that these broad characterizations of the formidable black female, help to perpetuate commonly held stereotypes. 

In the United States, before the COVID-19 pandemic upended the lives of Americans, whenever black women publicly displayed any type of emotions, their feelings were promptly reduced to memes, trending hashtags and buzzwords.  Despite the increased visibility of black women in the media, there has been limited space for them to honestly express their feelings, fears and concerns. Paradoxically, there are numerous blogs (like this one lol) and YouTube channels popping up daily, telling black women what to do and how to do it. However, these platforms seem to merely brush the surface or give superficial solutions, if any, to the lived experiences and silent suffering of many black women.

For centuries, black women have fought for basic personhood; while white women have been defined as the “fairer sex”, in comparison to the dominate white men.  Seemingly always in flux, the ever evolving concept of womanhood, with all its inherent struggles and biases, still looks to the upper class white female as the paragon of “woman”.  Since the lived experiences of white women are antithetical to that of most black women; the cis gendered black woman is essentially a woman with conditions. 

As a woman with conditions, the black woman is therefore not granted the same privileges of softness; vulnerability and space to cry.  Rather, in the face of trauma and difficult situations, the average black woman must jump into a telephone booth, throw on her cape and emerge as “The Black Superwoman!” And if she is triggered, like The Hulk, she morphs into  “the Angry Black Woman” brandishing a domineering stance with the ubiquitous chip on her shoulder.  

To this end, the meekest and most soft spoken black girl appears threatening and unhinged; while those who are reserved in nature, but question systemic workplace micro-aggressions, are deemed aggressive. Most professional black women, regardless of their field have been characterized as  “difficult to work with”. Unfortunately, these mischaracterizations of the black woman that begins as early as adolescence, help to shape the way that she navigates spaces in the world. The quiet teenager who is treated like a ticking time bomb, eventually, begins to change. She may master the duality of an “outside” and an “inside” face or she may internalize these false portrayals of her personhood.  Over time, the effects of splitting herself gradually diminishes her humanity, and her womanhood.  

Looking back at my formative years, I realize that I learned to be very measured in expressing my emotions, be they joy, anger or dismay.   As a black teenager, even at the most difficult and trying times, I was expected to exude strength, as the “indomitable black woman” in training.    And since superheros don’t need protection, black women are rarely offered the proverbial safe space, to just be.  

So, today, as the black female anesthesiologist intubates the highly virulent patient, while thinking about her two children at home, can she say, “I’m scared”?  If she protests about the lack of protective gear, will her fervent need to protect herself and her young family be heard, without first being filtered through the lens of “aggressive black woman”?  Furthermore, will this society allow her to shed some tears, voice her fears; wipe her eyes; then throw on her cape and fly back into action?

To learn more about our upcoming events for professional black women, click here.

Five Tips: How to Maintain Your Relationship, During Quarantine

As all external distractions have come to a screeching halt, the next few weeks will be a trying time for many couples. It’s Day 14 and the stark contrast between my husband’s energetic character to my more staid disposition, is rearing its head. I love social gatherings but I also gain a great deal of energy from being alone. Adversely, he thrives on human interaction, and his ideal schedule is a calendar filled with back to back appointments.

As we both work remotely, at baseline, my husband and I spend a great deal of time together.  But now, due to the state mandated quarantine, the Business Center in our high-rise, where he usually works, is closed. Even worse, he can no longer pop over to his favorite cafe and meet up with other German ex-pats. In turn, my partner who hates being confined, is bouncing off the walls; whereas I’m doing just fine. 

Whether you’re like me or like my mate, here are some tips to maintain your sanity, and more importantly your relationship, while you're quarantined:

1)Schedule time apart:

It’s important to take time for yourself, even in the same house. We have a home office; so I’ve been spending more time reading and writing, as he explores his various interests at the dining room table. After about 2 hours apart, we each have a better outlook on our situation and hunker down on the couch to stream our favorite shows.

2)Prepare meals together:

The prep and completion of the most simple dish, can create an opportunity to bond and to experience shared intimacy.

3)Use the time to genuinely catch up:

For the newly dating couple, use this time to get truly comfortable with each other. Maybe let your partner see you without extensions/faux eyelashes or let him/her know how much you really like video games. And for those in long haul unions, why not order some poster board from Amazon and sketch out that 5 year plan you’ve put off completing?

4)Have a date night:

Take a hot shower; shave; put on some lipstick and slip into your favorite outfit; then meet in the kitchen for light bites and adult beverages. After a week of sweat pants and bathrobes, it’s good to break up the monotony and stimulate the sensual. 

5) Have empathy:

Based on varying life experiences, everyone will respond very differently during this time. For those who have never experienced living with the bare essentials (emphasis on limited food options and compromised safety), this period may be very difficult. Adversely, for others, the newfound stillness that blankets most metropolitan cities, may be welcomed solace for the soul. Despite these contrasting perspectives, remember to approach your partner with kindness and understanding. Focus on the good things in your significant other and let go of petty contrivances.

During these difficult times, I'm grateful to have my husband, to laugh with and share the latest conspiracy theories.

I hope these tips were helpful!

~Dr. Cisse

Four Tips: How to Combat Anxiety, During Quarantine?

It has been estimated that approximately 40 million Americans struggle with an anxiety disorder of some sort. Some individuals may require medications and therapy to address their symptoms, while others may use a variety of coping mechanisms to control their anxiety. Due to the current quarantine, many people are feeling restless and uneasy as they adjust to their new normal. 

Here are 4 tips to combat anxiety, while confined to one's home:

1) Get fresh air: 

Literally, just sticking your head out of an open window for a few minutes, can be a restorative experience. For those who are fortunate enough to have balconies and terraces, if the weather permits, sit or stand outdoors for 20-30 minutes. 

2) Limit streaming:

It’s the weekend and there’s nowhere to go but the supermarket or CVS. Rather than rewatching Westworld or dwelling on the latest COVID-19 updates, read a book; sketch/color; explore newly released albums; or start a craft project. These activities can be soothing, as well as distracting enough to fill the hours at home. 

3)Limit alcohol intake:

With the bars being closed, 'Happy Hour' can now can begin anytime you want. However, you must be mindful that alcohol is a depressant, which may worsen your mood and intensify the sense of claustrophobia inherent with being quarantined. Furthermore, heavy alcohol intake can be detrimental to your sleep-wake cycle, while adjusting to a new daily routine.

4)Video chats:

The power of video chats in helping to maintain interpersonal ties must not be underestimated.  Schedule a video call with a group of your friends. In between the jokes and reminiscing, it is a great way to provide each other with much needed emotional support and to establish a sense of normalcy, in a time that is anything but.

Last night, I participated in a video chat with four of my high school friends. After the call, my husband immediately remarked on the change in my disposition. I was smiling from ear to ear!

I hope these tips were helpful!

And to learn more about our upcoming events for professional black women, click here.

Three Tips: Working from Home, During Quarantine

Right now, the internet is rife with funny memes about Coronavirus and social distancing. For those who are working from home for the first time, this is a great opportunity to slow down and recharge. However, for many, the loss of daily structure and the isolation from others, can be emotionally taxing. 

As I’ve been working from home for the past 2 years, here are some tips to help you make it through the next few weeks:

1)Maintain your routine:

I would recommend waking up relatively close to your normal time, give or take an hour or so.  If the gyms are closed in your area, try a home workout (there are a wide variety of free tutorials on Youtube). Then, take a hot shower; have a cup of coffee or green tea; eat breakfast and put on comfy work attire. As my patients can see me from the neck up, I've continued to do my hair and makeup, despite working from home. Try to create a designated space in your home to work. Also, you should strive to  maintain your regular eating habits. For example, take a true lunch break around noon, before resuming your afternoon session of work. 

2)Resist temptation:

As I practice psychiatry via video conferencing, I see my patients throughout the day, which creates structure for my work day. Adversely, for those of you with self-paced tasks, it is important to avoid the comforts of home, during working hours.  I’d recommend not working from bed or with Netflix playing in the background. Also, for those of you who are prone to becoming a bit distracted, I'd recommend muting your social media apps for set periods of time each day. 

3)Maintain contact with loved ones:

During off hours, it's good to stay connected to those that you care about to decrease feelings of loneliness and depression. I'm a notorious texter. However, over the past few days, I've been reaching out to friends and family, by actually calling them (shock and horror!).

I hope these tips were helpful!

Dr. Cisse